Collarbone Blues

I'm so tired today. Today. Today was the day that i was supposed to take one of my colts to his first show. Today was the day that I was supposed to be bathing and braiding my show horse. Today I was supposed to be touching up dressage patterns. Getting all the glitches from the hunter rounds. But no.

I spent today watching my colt hobble around the pen with a hole the size of my fist gaping out of his swollen leg. Today was the day that I admitted I can't even take care of myself properly, how am I supposed to be making a horse show worthy? Today was the first time I got back on a horse since i came off. Dammit, it hurt. If twenty people weren't watching i probably would have sworn, or cried, or something... but I didn't. That's not the crappy part of the deal though. I was scared being on Drifter. Scared to sit on a horse's back and walk around. The thought of jumping terrifies me... that's why i'm crying...again.

I'm so stupid.

Why didn't I end that practice on a good note. I should have. But no, it had to be perfect. now my horse is scared to jump, I have a broken collarbone, and I'm back to square one with my jumping. And it hurts. Man, my shoulder hurts. Every time I move my shoulder burns. The sling hurts my back more then it helps my arm,but if i dont wear it, people bump my shoulder... and that hurts. I'm so tired of being like this. I want to scream. I cant do my hair, i can scarcely drive, getting dressed solo is an amazing accomplishment. I cant take care of my horses... i cant even go near my horses. they're scared of my sling.

the T3's help, but they are so strong. They make me sick to my stomach. It's hard to keep your meals down when you've had one to many of those. And the dizziness. I can barely stand up.

I can't wait for this to be over.